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Posts Tagged ‘Movies’
28 Jan

“The Problem Child of pet pooch movies”

I just referenced this movie in a conversation. FOR SHAME.

That Crazy Rap Music!

Categories: Rap Music Tags: , , ,
24 Apr

Best of 2010: Movies

There were good movies this year, there’s no doubt. But let’s just recap the biggest releases of the year (over 2,000 screens) to really relive the stink.
January
The Book of Eli
Extraordinary Measures
Edge of Darkness
Denzel, Harrison, and Mel are pushed to the edge. Will never see these, but I could conceivably do an Extraordinary Measures drinking game.
February
Valentine’s Day
Shutter Island
Cop Out
A trio of autuers — Garry Marshall, Scorsese, and Kevin Smith — make the movie of their careers! I don’t think I’ll ever see Shutter Island, even though I’m not opposed to it.
March
Alice in Wonderland
Brooklyn’s Finest
Green Zone
The Bounty Hunter
Hot Tub Time Machine
How to Train Your Dragon
Green Zone was a letdown, even though it was not bad. The Bounty Hunter looks like it was made by a focus group consisting of everything I hate, all in one (brooding) package. Which brings us to TWEET OF THE YEAR:

Alice in Wonderland, however, was one of the worst things I’ve ever seen. I saw it on DVD, and I couldn’t get through 10 minutes of it. Tim Burton, you’re on notice.
April
Clash of the Titans
Date Night
Death at a Funeral
Kick-Ass
The Back-Up Plan
The Losers
Nightmare on Elm Street
Furry Vengeance
Might be winner for worst month of movies. Clash of the Titans was so bad, Sam Worthington had to apologize. Date Night looks offensively bland. Kick-Ass was pretty good, and Cage’s best movie of the year. Maybe my Extraordinary Measures drinking game will just be an extended Fraser fest with Furry Vengeance.
May
Iron Man 2
Just Wright
Letters to Juliet
Robin Hood
MacGruber
Shrek Forever After
Sex and the City 2
Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time
The beginning of the summer season! Remember Robin Hood? Or that brief moment when you thought “Woah, is Jake Gyllenhaal gonna be an action star now?” Real disappointment here – I liked Iron Man 2 though.
June
Get Him to the Greek
Killers
Marmaduke
Splice
The A-Team
The Karate Kid
Jonah Hex
Toy Story 3
Knight and Day
Grown Ups
The Twilight Saga: Eclipse
How is it that Toy Story 3 was the only movie for adults this summer? What a shitty shitty month.
July
The Last Airbender
Despicable Me
Predators
The Sorcerer’s Apprentice
Inception
Ramona and Beezus
Salt
Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore
Charlie St. Cloud
Dinner for Schmucks
Nothing like an M. Night Shayamalan movie to set the tone for the rest of the month. And Cage has a rare miss (kidding!) Just shit shit shit. Inception was dope the first time, notsomuch the second.
August
Step Up 3D
The Other Guys
Eat Pray Love
Scott Pilgrim vs. the World
The Expendables
Vampires Suck
Nanny McPhee Returns
Piranha 3D
The Switch
Takers
The Last Exorcism
Wow… I only saw one movie from this month… and it was EAT PRAY LOVE two weeks ago, from a Redbox (which had nothing else to rent). Zoe and I couldn’t get past the first 10 minutes. Unbearable.
September
The American
Going the Distance
Machete
Resident Evil: 3D
Alpha and Omega
Devil
Easy A
The Town
Legends of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga’Hoole
Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps
You Again
The Town was pretty good… the action scenes were well done, but the Rebecca Hall scenes hilariously stupid. It was almost like a comedy sketch, where the love interest only speaks in vignettes that get more depressing. Her story arc: she gets held at gunpoint during a bank robbery, she watches her coworker get shot, she is kidnapped, her kidnappers release her in the middle of nowhere, she is duped by her kidnapper, she complains to him that other people stole her car, she tells Ben Affleck that sunny days depress her, because they make her think of her dead brother. They should’ve called this movie The Bank Job (as in Bible Job).
October
Case 39
Let Me In
The Social Network
Life As We Know It
My Soul to Take
Secretariat
Jackass 3D
Red
Paranormal Activity 2
Saw 3D
I’d like to see Let Me In, even though I can tell it’s already overhyped. The Social Network was excellent, and will likely win Best Picture.
November
Due Date
For Colored Girls
Megamind
Morning Glory
Skyline
Unstoppable
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part I
The Next Three Days
Burlesque
Faster
Love and Other Drugs
Harry Potter was a joke. I enjoyed watching it, but nothing happens. Unstoppable was a great dumb thriller.
December
Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader
The Tourist
How Do You Know
Tron: Legacy
Yogi Bear
Little Fockers
True Grit
Gulliver’s Travels
Gulliver’s Travels is a perfect closer for the year: a little-people-kick-Jack-Black-in-the-nuts CGI comedy.
______________________________________
Best movie of 2010: 127 Hours
Last year James Cameron transported us to a world of unlimited wonder. Floating mountains? Yeah we got that. Danny Boyle pretty much did the opposite: he trapped us in a cave with James Franco with a half-empty water bottle, some rope, and a dull knife. Many people found the amputation scene difficult to watch; I found it exhilarating. Ripping yourself from your own flesh is only possible when you’ve reached contemplative bliss, and that’s what this movie achieves.
Also, should we never get an Arrested Development movie, we will always have 127 Hours to stand in for the J. Walter Weatherman biopic:

“That’s why you always leave a note”


______________________________________
Best Sketch of the Year: Trailer for Every Oscar-Winning Movie Ever

Funny or Die? CollegeHumor? Please. Cracked served up the best sketch – not a wasted moment here. Nothing came close to “Catch Phrase!”
I just saw Robot Chicken’s Star Wars: Episode III which has an excellent sketch about Luke bumping into the Wampa he cut up on the Hoth system at a Space Gas Station. It’s tragic.
Best YouTube Clip of the Year: Yoel Brach Productions plays L.G. fanfare (Shaya and Perry’s wedding intro)
The Pope clip I recently posted is fantastic, but I gotta give some love to my Jews. From the opening explosion to the final panning shot of an Orthodox wedding, this video is unbelievably absurd. I particularly love that the backup singer clearly doesn’t know the words — he just knows if you sing 3 whole notes higher, you can get some chot harmonies (for those of you who don’t speak Yiddish, that means “hot harmonies”). Also, phenomenal YouTube title. I hope to see more Yoel Brach Productions in 2011.

That Crazy Rap Music!

Categories: Rap Music Tags: , ,
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